It’s official. After 32 years at Channel 10, Frank Coletta is to become a saint in the Roman Catholic Church.
Frank made the announcement Monday morning on his Sunrise show with a coffee cup salute to himself and mentioned to co-anchor and meteorologist, Gary Ley, that he had “been shooting for this one, for a long, long, time.” Ley could be seen facepalming in the background.
“After 20 years as RI Monthly’s Best Morning Anchor, the only natural step forward is to be canonized.”, boasted Coletta.
No date has been set for the blessed event, but when asked about the upcoming canonization, (which is a rarity in the Catholic Church and must be approved by the Pope), Bishop Thomas J. Tobin, of the Diocese of Providence, said, “There’s obviously a mistake. Mr. Coletta was at the cathedral last weekend and made a donation to the Church. I whispered to him, Thank you, Frank, you’re a saint. He must have gotten the wrong idea. Oh, well. What harm can it do? Let him think he’s a real saint. I don’t see the big deal. I’ll print up a special certificate of Sainthood on my Dell and drop it into the mail for him. He’s a good guy.”
When asked how the Morning Sunrise Show would change after the canonization, Coletta quipped, “Well, the suits will be replaced by robes and garments and instead of coffee cups, I’ll be using a chalice from now on.”