Local and state police in Rhode Island have issued an early warning to parents to be extra vigilant with their children’s Trick or Treat candy this coming Halloween season.
“We’ve had credible reports of people using razor blades and apples to injure people.”, reported RI State Police Lt. Duncan Latte.
“When I was a kid, the bad guys put the razor blades directly into the apple, but now they’ve gotten smarter. They’ve actually been placing apples in packages of razor blades. We’ve already discovered four tampered-with packages of Gillette Fusion refills at the Kmart in Cranston and we suspect more out there. We have to stop this sick freak.”
Lt.Latte advises that if you purchase a package of razor blades and discover an apple inside, you should notify your local police department as soon as possible.
A RI Deputy Sheriff is charged with making harassing phone calls to a retired state police trooper. The suspect allegedly has an on/off relationship with the trooper’s ex wife. The suspect was suspended with pay, pending the outcome of the investigation. The judge at the arraignment also made the sheriff’s deputy tell the state trooper that his refrigerator was indeed, running-but he did NOT have to catch it.
The Rhode Island State Police this morning announced that the entire Town of North Providence, RI has been arrested.
State Police spokesperson, Major French Cruller, made the announcement at a press conference inside the State Police Chepachet Barracks this morning.
“We’ve arrested so many people in North Providence over the past couple of years for various fraud and other white collar related crimes that it just makes sense to arrest the whole town. We pretty much have come to the conclusion that everyone in the town is guilty. That includes children and babies, too!”
Governor Lincoln Chafee weighed in this morning with his solution to the corruption problem in North Providence.
“Once an entire town has been arrested, it’s difficult to house them. I say we close the state prison in Cranston and build a giant security wall around North Providence and turn it into a HUGE maximum security facility, much like they did in the movie, Escape From New York. If you’ve never seen the film, I highly recommend it. I’m putting this bill before lawmakers in October and hopefully we can get this thing passed and the wall built by 2014. For now, everyone who lives in North Providence is under home confinement. My officers are attaching ankle bracelets to everyone.”