SPECIAL REPORT: Entire Town of North Providence Arrested in GIANT Sting!
The Rhode Island State Police this morning announced that the entire Town of North Providence, RI has been arrested.
State Police spokesperson, Major French Cruller, made the announcement at a press conference inside the State Police Chepachet Barracks this morning.
“We’ve arrested so many people in North Providence over the past couple of years for various fraud and other white collar related crimes that it just makes sense to arrest the whole town. We pretty much have come to the conclusion that everyone in the town is guilty. That includes children and babies, too!”
Governor Lincoln Chafee weighed in this morning with his solution to the corruption problem in North Providence.
“Once an entire town has been arrested, it’s difficult to house them. I say we close the state prison in Cranston and build a giant security wall around North Providence and turn it into a HUGE maximum security facility, much like they did in the movie, Escape From New York. If you’ve never seen the film, I highly recommend it. I’m putting this bill before lawmakers in October and hopefully we can get this thing passed and the wall built by 2014. For now, everyone who lives in North Providence is under home confinement. My officers are attaching ankle bracelets to everyone.”