19 year old Warwick Male (from the Beach, as in Oakland!) seeking a 19-36 year old hottie who looks like Jennifer Aniston did in the movie Rock Star with that Marky Mark dude. It’s ok if your hair is like red or jet black or something, but other than that you gotta look like Jennifer Aniston. That’s gonna kick ass if you look like her!  Let me tell you why.

I’m the lead singer in a band called, Death’s Bitch and we kick ass with some old skool metal like Sabbath, Priest, Metallica and of course Van Halen. We just rock till there’s no more left to rock! We blew out the windows in my mom’s basement last week with the lead guitarist’s Marshall half stack, so my mom threw me out until I could get a job to pay for the windows. I’m sleeping on my drummer’s floor off of West Shore Road right now, but I could use a sweet little Jennifer Aniston looking thing to brighten up my days and nights while Death’s Bitch finds another place to practice.

Ok, I’m 19, and I effin rock in every possible way. I have long-assed hair to my waist and my friends tell me I look a lot like Ozzy did when he was young. I don’t have a job, but’s that’s because I’m getting the band ready. My goal this year is to get us a gig at The Living Room in Providence. Why? Cuz’ that would effin’ rock! Once you hear me jump down from the top of the amps and scream out, “LIVE FROM THE LIVING ROOM IN EFFIN’ PROVIDENCE, IT’S DEATH’S BITCH!”, you’ll think we rule the unverse like no other.

All you have to do as my girlfriend is to just sit there during practice and look hot. The other guys in the band don’t have girlfriends yet, so I wanna be the first to get a kick ass chick and show them all that I effin’ rock!

So please answer my ad as soon as you can. You shouldn’t have a job so you can hang out with me 24/7 and we can just rock out and kick ass everywhere we go. You don’t have to worry about money, cuz’ I’m going to be a millionaire and someday will be able to afford you some kick ass clothing, a mansion and a few Corvettes.

CALL ME, CUZ… I EFFIN’ ROCK!